What do you call a blonde with half a brain? - Gifted!
How do blonde braincells die? - Alone.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? - Pregnant.
How do you brainwash a blonde? - Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? - Artificial intelligence.
How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? - Because they can't even keep two calves together!
What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? - Nothing. They've never met.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? - Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? - After a dye job.
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? - To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? - You can park in the handicap zone.
What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? - An IN-body experience!
Why is a blonde like a turtle? - They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common? - Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? - Humpme Dumpme.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? - Shine a flashlight in their ear.
How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? - Shine a torch in her ears.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? - It takes too long to retrain them.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? - There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? - There's writing on the white-out.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? - You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What do a blonde and your computer have in common? - You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
What did the blonde think of the new computer? - She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? - (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
How do you kill a blonde? - Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
How do blondes pierce their ears? - They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Why don't blondes eat Jello? - They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? - All you can eat, under a buck.
Why don't blondes eat pickles? - Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.
Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? - They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Why do blondes where big hoop earrings? - To put their feet through..
What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? - Her ankles.
Why do blondes wear green lipstick? - Because red means stop.
Why do blondes wear red lipstick? - Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? - By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Why don't blondes use vibrators? - They chip their teeth.
Why do blondes wear underwear? - They make good ankle warmers.
What do blondes do for foreplay? - Remove their underwear.
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? - Cause their balls show!
What's the mating call of the blonde? - "I'm sooo drunk!"
What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? - (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
How did the blonde die ice fishing? - She was run over by the zambonis machine.
What's a brunette's mating call?
A1: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
Why do blondes drive BMWs? - Because they can spell it.
Why do blondes like the GST? (GST - Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada) - Because they can spell it.
What is 74 to a blonde? - 69 plus G.S.T.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? - Toes Go In First.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? - Tits Go In Front.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? - An interpreter.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? - A mental block.
How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? - "Have another beer."
What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? - Pack their lunch and send them to work.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.
How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? - Fertilized.
How does a blonde like her eggs? - Unfertilized.
What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? - Opens the car door.
How do blondes turn the light on after sex? - Kick open the car door.
Why do blondes like tilt steering? - More head room.
Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? - More leg room.
What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde? - Bucket seats.
What do blondes say after sex?
A1: "Thanks, Guys!"
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
A3: Do you guys all play for the <team name>?
A4: Who were all those guys?
Why is a blonde like a door knob? - Because everybody gets a turn.
Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? - Because she's been laid all over the country.
What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex? - Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm? - Who cares?
Why do blondes have orgasms? - So they know when to stop having sex!
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? - "Thanks for the refill!"
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? - Data transfer.
Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings? - So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? - She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)? - "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
What's a blonde's favourite wine? - "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
What do you call a basement full of blondes? - A wine cellar.
Why are there no dumb brunettes? - Peroxide.
Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? - They're doing research on black holes.
What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
What is the difference between a blonde and a 747? - Not everyone has been in a 747.
What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? - Not everybody has been in a limo.
What does a blonde say when she gives birth? - Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? - "Are you sure it's mine?"
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? - A wind tunnel.
What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? - A dope ring.
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde
